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• Carlotta Codswallop - Bianca “Don’t tickle me, I’m dead” Darolti

• Julian - Matilda “I’m fifteen years old” Tempest (Mansfield)
• George - Leo “Markus glared at me so I hugged him” Tucker (Wadham)
• Dick - Benjamin “GREAT BIG BEN KYBETT” Kybett (Magdalen)
• Anne - Emma “and pirates” Bates (Univ)::
• Timmy - Timothy “Greatest actor of our generation” Blyton

• Captain Brownbeard - Jasper “Nothing odd about that phrasing” Russell (ex-Merton)
• Needles - Velina “Do you like my bubblesword?” Robinson (Mansfield)
• S’You - Judith “What do you mean?” Moore (Balliol)
• Francois - Efi “Smokes incessantly” Gauthier (St Hugh’s)

• Francine - ET “Slow and painful death” Cresswell (Sheffield)
• Mark - Matt “Listen to your mother” Robinson
• Grandpa Norman - James “Back in my day” Carter (ex-Magdalen)
• Jack - Valeriia “Not nearly painful enough” Gladkova (Merton)
• Jane - Beth “You’re not actually six” Mabbutt (LMH)
• Mandy - Elsa “Not liable” Kienberger
• Andy - Perry “Unsanctioned” Hartland-Asbury (Ex-Mansfield)

• Betty - Tzveta “Now I know what Perry feels like” Pokrovska (Queen’s)
• Eileen - Asha “I thought you said I’d have to act?” Hartland-Asbury (Brasenose)

• Barry - Georgia “It has a certain elegance” Nicholson (St Hugh’s)
• Mike - Adrian “Candyfloss” Clayton (Hertford (Graduated))
• Tetra - Naomi “The Lone Piddler” Heffer (St Hugh’s College)
• Jetsam - George “Ragarragah” Tall (St Edmund Hall)

• Gladys - Serena “Worst chip shop” Barney
• Sandra - Ana “Reverse kale” Pagu (St. Edmund Hall)
• Derek - Neil “You’ve probably never heard of it” Suchak (LMH)
• Ian - James “That other donkey!” Marsden (Corpus)
• Lesley - Alexandra “Health and Safety violation” Brinkman-Young (St. Anne’s)
• Nancy - Erin “Don’t show your bum to the audience” English (Wadham)
• Brenda - Sofia “Viva la donkey revolution” Gomezllata (St Anne’s)
• Gacob Jiffiths - Jake “One oar” Griffiths (Brasenose)

• Direction/Production
  • Tom “The Directornator” Lear (ex-Magdalen)
  • Lily “Directimus Prime” Miles (Hertford)
  • Markus “Directortron” Beeken (Brasenose)
• Writer - Judith “Puns hands” Moore (Balliol)
• Marketing Director - Asha “Pun hands” Hartland-Asbury (Brasenose)
• Musical Director - Judith “Aggressively blows nose” Moore (Balliol)
• Lighting Technician - The Sun (not the Newspaper)
• Props provided by - Mary “Dorset Georgie” Beeken and Hiba “Markus and Jake’s Mysterious Friend” Abuelgasim

• A Plaice to Call Home - Bianca “Do you want a ding-a-ling?” Darolti and Judith “Jake’s personal songwriter” Moore (Balliol)
• When You're A Pirate - Judith “What power complex?” Moore (Balliol)
• Oh it's a Jolly Holiday with Whiskey - Asha “Drank all the amaretto” Hartland-Asbury (Brasenose) and Judith “Do you think they’ll notice?” Moore (Balliol)
• The Mundane Five Song - Judith “I can stop anytime I want” Moore (Balliol)
• The Complicated Song - Judith “I let them write the final song” Moore (Balliol)
• Final Song - Tom “Did I write something?” Lear (ex-Magdalen) and Lily “I can’t think of anything” Miles (Hertford)